Ok gents listen in. I know sometimes you claim that you’re all Gods gift to women, and that you could sweep Helen of Troy off her feet. But when was the last time you found a lady that challenged your mind, kept you on your toes, made you look good in a room full of your friends, and really had “The One” potential. You could say, “I can find a woman like that anytime I want.” But honestly, she’s probably doing YOU a favour. So I think it’s time you started looking in the mirror and made some small changes that gave you a big difference.

Firstly any woman mentioned above doesn’t enjoy the cheesy one-liners you churn out on your sneaky social media apps. So delete tinder, clean up your Facebook page and forget about snapchatting a dick pic. That’s out of the question.

Aside form meeting women in the clubs or out on the town, you’ll most likely find the lady of your dreams by pure serendipity. You’ll be buying a new bed from Ikea and you’ll accidently flop onto a mattress and roll over, only to be completely embarrassed that a stunning red head is already lying down. That’s why it’s crucial your skin must always be in fighting form. So go out and buy these essential items: Face wash, tweezers, quality hair trimming tools, mouthwash, cotton buds, a comb, antiperspirant, cologne, lip balm and moisturiser. It might sound like an epic routine to get that happening everyday, but once you do you’ll begin to feel good about yourself.

So lets say you manage to blurt out enough coherent words and clumsily ask this Ikea redhead out for dinner. Great work bud! High five! So she’s coming over on Wednesday night because you’re cooking her dinner. But you can’t cook much. Get in the kitchen and start practising. Aside from the classic meat and three veg, spag bol or stir-fry, why don’t you try and learn to cook something with the next level of difficulty. She’ll be surprised and stoked.

Ok so it’s the night of the date and you’re getting ready in your tiny bathroom with the cracked vanity mirror and late 70’s pink tiles. You stare down into your shaving kit and you see all manner of skin care goodies. But they’re not just the cheap marked down bargains from Coles. They’re good quality, somewhat expensive brands that will last you a good while. Here’s why you had to buy the good stuff. Cheap and nasty razors are disposable, throw away, once used and in the bin. A good razor with a replaceable blade will last you years. And in those years, think off all the crappy razors you’ve used once and throw in the bin. Literally throwing money away. So stop buying junk. A small hit to the wallet initially will save your bank balance later on.

So she’s waiting in your living room while you finish up your duck a l’orange. But she’s sitting there twiddling her thumbs with nothing to do. Here’s where you can catch two fish with one worm. Firstly offer her a drink. But don’t say, “Yeah I’ve got some Hahn light, or Toohey’s?” Don’t you even dare think about offering her a tinny of VB. Culture your palette. Try some foreign beers; Germans get drunk in style so follow their lead. And a refreshing pear cider could maybe be just her thing.

Secondly, while you’re standing there, holding up the door jam to the kitchen, spark up a conversation. Get interested in the news, pay attention to politics and maybe even god forbid read a newspaper. The more you know, the more you can talk about, the more you can talk about, the smarter she thinks you are. See it’s all coming together. Flex the brain muscle every day. Whether it’s reading a chapter of a new book before you go to sleep, or taking the luminosity brain trainer, or doing the Sunday crossword, keeping your wits agile is crucial to holding a strong conversation.

And in this strong conversation there’s something that all of us should do, but few of us ever achieve well. Thinking before we speak. A tactful and strategic response will put you in good stead with almost anyone, your boss, your mother, your friend or the Ikea woman. Not only should you let her speak at length, you must pay attention in order to come up with the right response.

Now gentlemen, the one final thing you need to take away from all of this. If you have failed at everything I’ve said today but still managed to get the redhead, one, it’s a bloody miracle. But Two, you must be dependable. If you say your going to be on time, then be on time. If you say you’ll pick up some groceries on the way home, then pick up some groceries. If you say you’ll take her out for dinner this week, then do it! If a man has nothing else in this world, all he has is his word. Dependability shows respect, consideration, trust and sensitivity.


Jake Cupitt