Elias Pelcastre

Summer Faux Pas

Britain is known for its awful weather. Last week, therefore, inspired a lot of excitement, confusion, and breakdown. The rail lines were too hot for trains to travel on, signs promoting staying hydrated appeared everywhere on the underground, and the most common phrase “Gosh it’s hot today” was said around 300 million times on Tuesday. (I made that up, but I recorded myself saying it at least five times.)

Here I have recorded some of my favourite obsessions and idiosyncrasies, which grip the UK during these precious few days each year.

Unfortunately, because we are so starved of great weather when the sun comes out, the British are well known for the awful fashion choices. After a few minutes, you are likely to see hotpants, maxi dresses, and socks with sandals. Obviously, it might still be only 15 degrees at this time, but we like to make the most of any rays that appear.

We love beer gardens and are likely to spend the weekends searching for them, finding them, and then slowly getting drunk in them. It ‘s okay to frequent the garden on a work night “just for one,” summer fruits cider, gin and tonic, or pimms, and hours later roll home, wearily acknowledging the lack of sleep. But obviously, because the weather is so good there is no need to feel guilty.

Heading to the nearest beach is also popular, and the big toe is dipped in before the realisation that it is not that hot, and then go back to huddling under towels with a hoody. Oh, and then a few hours later staring at friends and wandering how on earth they managed to burn. Ice cream vans roll out in the hundreds, and they are vehemently supported, they are inevitably forced to make their yearly profit in a few days. Although everybody will complain at how the price of a 99 flake is no longer 99p, instead inching towards the £3 mark.

Car and house windows are rolled down, music is blasted, we sunbathe on front lawns, guys mow the grass topless, millions burn and the whole country comes to a sluggish stop. No need to worry, though: it only ever lasts a week or two.