Elias Pelcastre

Lost beloved: Healing in fractions

Candle night city

When you really sit back and think about life, it is such a bittersweet concept. The fact that no one really knows the meaning to life, why we exist, what happens to us when we die… it’s all pretty intimidating.

We just breathe and amble by everyday until it’s our time to go. Of course, there are things to live for and ways to make the most of our lives, but essentially, that is the basic formula.

As a kid, we think we are invincible; nothing bad could ever happen to us. Sure, bad stuff happens in the world, but never to me.

Then we grow up and watch the people around us suffer from loss. People lose their friends, family and pets. We start to learn that we are not exempt from the tragedies of life. We are not the invincible superheroes we once aspired to be.

Dealing with losing a loved one (parent, partner, friend, pet, family member), can come as such a heavy blow to the heart. It’s like this sinking pain in your chest that strangles your lungs and deprives you of the breath you need to stand on two legs.

There is nothing worse than having to suddenly say goodbye to someone you never thought you would lose.

But as we move forward, time heals that wound. We will never forget this person and they will never be replaced, but we do learn to move on.

We start to appreciate the light of day again, start to limp through the day instead of collapsing to our knees at every corner, start to smile again, and start to get back into the regular grind and cycle we are accustomed to.

There is no right way to deal with losing someone. We all handle pain in our own way and on our own timeline. But there is a healthy mindset to have when you think about losing someone.

If life can take someone away from you that you never thought you would lose, it can also give you someone you never thought you would meet.

Healing is a beautiful process we must all endure at some point. It’s just a part of life. Everyone suffers and everyone deals with having someone taken from him or her. It’s an unfortunate reality but we must remember we are all human and we will all pass.

We find a place for our valued ones in our hearts and even if they are no longer with us, we learn to carry them with us forever. It’s like being a dancer with broken ankle that never heals fully. You will never be the whole dancer you were once before, but you will learn to dance again with that broken ankle. That’s the beauty of it if you are finding it impossible to see the light at the end of the seemingly endless tunnel.

You should also simply appreciate the fact that you were fortunate enough to have that person in your life. Appreciate the emotions and love you were able to feel from having them around, because getting that opportunity and losing them is better than never experiencing them at all. It may seem dark at first but it would be even darker if the light never shone in the first place.

We also come to the realization that nothing on this earth belongs to us. When we think something is ours forever, it is suddenly taken from our grip and we feel helpless. We cannot fathom why death would befall such a wonderful human being.

As somber and gloomy as this piece sounds, we must learn to heal in fractions. Grieving is natural, so cry. Tell someone what happened. Write your feelings. Sing about them. Keep your head up and continue living your life rather than sitting in a corner and crying. Be strong, because your lost loved ones would have wanted you to be. Let them be your motivation to thrive in your own life and build upon your own strengths.

And make good choices because they will always be with you throughout your journey until you meet again.

Focus on the things that you still have and not so much what you don’t have. Again, this is not saying you should forget them because that is not a healthy way to deal with it and a majority of people would not even be able or willing to do so. But your happiness is also important. Take the time you need to grieve, and then go back to being you.

Find humor in these bad situations. Laughing is therapeutic and will help you get past the woe and heartache. Not that this person dying is funny, but think of a good memory you had or a funny moment with this person to celebrate their life rather than have lamenting for months on end.

Those whom we value but are taken from us will always be remembered, but we must also prioritize our own state of being so we can form other memories with future loved ones.

Just remember, you are not alone and there is always someone who will understand your situation. Cherish the people in your life who act as your rocks and keep you grounded when you need them the most, because you never know when it is anyone’s last day on earth.